ONE:  MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DIARIES
Dear diary, during fourth grade the most popular girl had a crush on me.  The boy sitting near me, Ryan, said Sacha likes you.  As I looked over to her I could sense her shyness.  I too was mute.  Unfortunately, I did nothing about the crush.  Walking her home from school was my initial idea but I was a coward.  Boys who ask out girls at a young age gain confidence and will continue to grow mentally and emotionally.  Whereas kids like me do not blossom emotionally. 
HEATHER F. - 1987
Dear diary, two grades ahead of me in grade school was another crush of mine.  Heather was so cute, but since this student was two years older than me she was off limits!  Heather would turn me down because I was not in her fifth grade class.  I saw Heather biking in front of her house one evening.  The girl was out of my league.  She also intimidated me by being much older than I.  Back then one year older is a big difference to us boys and girls.
JACOB D.
Dear diary, before we became friends Jacob and I were temporary enemies in 1st grade.  One day under the playground bridge set at recess Jacob decided to twist my arm.  Humiliated best described the feelings running inside of my body.  Glancing back I now realize Jake picked on me because he was muscular and I was skinny.  Jacob knew he could get away with it.  Surprisingly we became pretty good friends later that school year and for the next three school years.  I assume as he got older he did not get picked on because he was muscular.  That is how grade school functions: if a boy is bigger he will get picked on less, even by the older students.  Because sometimes a kid in third grade can beat up a fifth grader and that is why some older students do not belittle the younger ones due to potential embarrassment and humiliation.  Of course an older student will pick on younger students who are shorter or skinnier than they.
RAILROAD TRACK BULLIES
Dear diary, my older brother and I were trying to light a small campfire out in the woods by the railroad tracks one summer.  Out of nowhere two older neighborhood kids (bullies) were walking by on the tracks.  We tried to keep quiet in fear that Rick and Dennis would beat us up.  Unfortunately both spotted us and demanded we come out to the tracks.  We brothers told the bullies we were only playing around.  I asked Dennis if he wanted my cigarette lighter.  He took it from me since he smoked cigarettes at a young age.  They took off.  Both were like 4 grades ahead of us, which meant they were very, very strong in grade school years.
RICKY - 4th grade
Dear diary, over the past school year this bully-wannabe who sat in the back seat row with Robbie thought he ruled the school bus both in the mornings and afternoons.  Ricky always looked pissed off.  He rarely smiled (Now that I am well rounded and overall educated with college degrees I link Ricky's unfriendly face to his parents, perhaps both of whom rarely smiles).  This is a fact sometimes - if a child's parents are stuck up so too shall be the kids personality.  When a parent never smiles and is grumpy all the time, most likely one of their offspring will imitate them either consciously or unconsciously.  Anyways, I got sick and tired of Ricky picking on the younger kids in the bus.  So one afternoon I kept kicking him as he walked out of the bus.  The bus driver did not do anything about it lol.  I never got punished.  However, I feared punishment from Ricky the next day.  I felt very scared after I beat him up.  Going to bed was a nightmare because the next morning was bus time and I would have to confront my new bully.  The next afternoon I apologized to Ricky, because we never had a problem before that incident.  He accepted my apology as I informed him that he was the stronger boy.  I was telling the truth - he was stronger than me since I was ultra-skinny and he was large both physically and mentally.  Ironically, I was dumbfounded that he did not request a re-match.  Maybe Ricky was afraid I would win yet again.
NO CLIQUES	
Dear diary, all students can agree that grade school was the best era of our public K-12 school system.  Back then there were no cliques, the prep girls hung out with the less attractive girls, athletic boys socialized in class and during recess with the un-athletic.  I remember Heath, a popular kid, was always nice to me and we used to play football during 4th grade recess.  In high school this friendship would not have lasted.  Also, there were no mean smoker cliques in elementary days.  Yes, some sixth graders smoked cigarettes but only once in a while to act older.  Most of the smoker kids in grade 6 were still cool to me.
DADS WHO SHOW OFF
Dear diary, my best friend had the coolest father who would take us on day trips and purchase hot dogs and french fries.  Having free food was awesome.  However, sometimes his donations would carry a price.  The dad would also brag to us that his children would one day become millionaires.  I was not impressed by such childish comments.  Some parents feel the need to try and win over their kids' friends and neighbors.  I find it tacky and pretty pathetic that full grown adults are not grown up and continue to act like little girls.
$200 BIKE
Dear diary, one afternoon my good friend arrived on his new bike that cost $200.00.  Of the few bikes that I had owned most cost between $75 and $100.  Obviously he was showing off in front of me.  My dad said the new gift probably was not paid for.  Years later I think my father was correct because my friend’s dad was known to pay things via a credit card in order to boast to his friends, family, and workers.  For instance, one Christmas my mom purchased a Nintendo Entertainment System for me that included one game, Super Mario Brothers.  My friend’s dad was also my mother’s boss at the time.  The boss asked my mom what she got me for Christmas.  A week later he had to top my mom by copying what she purchased me for Christmas, but instead of getting his son only one game, he got him six games!  Luckily I was not jealous at all because those other five games sucked and were boring to me.  Why do some parents have to out-do the others?  Fake competition existed way back when I was only eight years old.  Years later I would learn that this process was true to many Americans – it is called keeping up with the Joneses.  Fuck the fake ass Joneses.
UNWELCOME GUEST
Dear diary, my older brother’s friend, Ricky, came over to our house during the summer to play.  Ricky always picked his nose in public, but at our house he would rub his boogers onto our kitchen floor.  Luckily, our carpet was green so his snot did not stand out.  At least none of my friends acted weird like him.  I would be too scared to act gross in front of another family that I hardly knew.
SCHOOL BITCH 1:  JESSICA
Dear diary, Jessica would eventually become a popular student (prep) in both junior high and high school.  I could see her arrogant seeds being planted all the way back to grade one.  My classmate said my picture of a bird flying in the sky was really nice.  Jessica suddenly grabbed the colored pencil painting, laughed out loud, and said it looked ugly.  It is really pathetic when a girl needs to be a constant bitch only in the dawn of our public school era.  Jessica’s slow transition from bitch to prep did not surprise me one bit.  During the next couple years I would have to deal with another disgruntled and pissed-off looking female student, Holly.  She is another dull ass prick story that must be told to my inner diary world.
SCHOOL BITCH 2:  HOLLY
Dear diary, the first real bitch girl in my school was first grade’s Jessica.  Surprisingly, I had to deal with another witch two years later in the third grade.  Holly was nice to me during the first year of school but apparently she became too good for me.  Looking back, I wish I had a pair of balls and would have told her off verbally.  I wish I would have spit in her face, thus becoming a ¾ rebel.  I was too nice back then.  What surprises me about grade school is that overall most girls and boys are nice to each other because we are all still young, innocent, and do not belong in any cliques.  But sometimes there are some boy bullies and stuck-up she-ras who need to be in control during the classroom, on the playground, and in the school bus.  Third grade Holly was snotty to me here and there during class.  Why?  I did not know.  Maybe she lived in a fucked up family environment.  But do not take your pathetic life out on me.  Four years later Holly transformed into a mega bitch prep.  And a couple years later in high school there were rumors going around that her older boyfriend would sometimes beat her up, he liked punching Holly in the face when they got into arguments.  Holly’s stuck-up life attracted her to fellow arrogant prick preps, who were weak on the inside and had to hit a lady in order to be in control.  The older I get the more I realize that hot girls who are attracted to jerks are weird-ass human beings, with low self-esteem.  Holly, you always had low self-esteem.  I just did not realize it in the beginning.
3RD GRADE PULL-UPS
Dear diary, the sporty boys in my third grade gym class got a lot of pull-ups, some around ten or fifteen, while I only got three.  I felt like a girl, demasculinized by my old gym teacher, my school, and my male classmates.  I should have exercised outdoors instead of playing video games inside.  I paid for my laziness during school where I was weak both physically and emotionally.  At least in grade school the other boys would not pick on weaker kids all the time, that would come later on in high school.  In middle school and high school if you ran slowly during the annual 1 mile run the jocks let you know by picking on you as not being manly.
HE STOLE MY BACKPACK (GRADE 1)
Dear diary, my classmate stole my grey backpack.  His parents forced him to return it to me one evening after 1st grade class was over.  He pissed me off because the outer pocket of my backpack was covered in candy stains.  He must have put a lot of candy and cookies inside that pocket and it stained it all up on the outside.  I never used it again as I needed to purchase a new one over the weekend.  Surprisingly, he never got punished by the teacher or principal over this.  Stupid teachers of mine.
UPPER UNIT
Dear diary, three girls in fifth grade stood out above the rest of us: Missy, Amber, and Sacha.  All were really cute, popular, and most importantly very smart.  They even had their very own math class together because all were smarter than the rest of us ordinary fifth grade students.  Actually I was intimidated by their excellent report cards.  However, I bet other boys were also intimidated by the trio of triumphant intellectuals.  Whether we males are young boys in grade school or mature men, all guys still become weak when they encounter a very smart lady on a first date or meet a female who is in better shape.  We males in America try to cover up such weaknesses and jealousies of the other sex.  Jealousy is very real and cannot be completely rid of.  But, boys will be boys and men will continue to mask up their own shames.  I find it funny how women are persuaded to be open with each other and men are supposed to ‘keep their worries inside of them’ and be strong 365 days a year.  I wonder what kind of men Missy, Amber, and Sacha married.  Note: I sometimes would verbally bash popular students in my diaries who were arrogant & smart or stuck-up & athletic, but at least they had great work ethic.  And I am and always will be jealous of this trio of talent.
INTIMIDATING PARENTS
Dear diary, us children are too afraid to go to our parents for help.  If an older bully was making me scared every school day I wanted to tell my mom and dad but could not.  Ashamed best described me and I did not want my parents to find out that I was week during the school weak.  So I never mentioned my school bullies to my parents.  It is so important for children to open up to both of their parents, otherwise anxiety increases over the years due to bullies, fear, and depression.  I wish I was more open with my parents and guidance counselor when I started having problems back in seventh grade and maybe even before.  
FISH-LIPS (1989)
Dear diary, during my morning bus ride my best friend, Joel, called his third grade classmate Fish-Lips since she had big lips.  I could tell Fish-Lips disliked her nickname.  Years later I would have a nickname in high school that truely hurt me even after graduation.  We kids do not like nicknames because they are names created not by us, but rather our friends, bullies, and classmates.  Ironically, I saw Fish-Lips several years later and she was beautiful and her lips no longer stood out.